||[Mar. 9th, 2009|02:14 pm]
Oy vey, Mikeyway!
so actually after high_school_low mentioned loveing gabe saporta/kevin devine, i wrote a littel tiny bit of fic about them, and then on the way to school i was thinking about it, and like... i have a lot more fic to write.
because, as maria discovered, gabe's old band (midtown) and kevin's old band (miracle of '86) did actually play together in the past, so it's concievable that they met, both of them at the height of their fucked-upness, and my brain sort of snowballed from there while listening to disloyal order of water buffalos on the way to school.
like, there's been plenty of srs!gabe fic where he's all I'M SO MESSED UP I'M A DRUG ADDICT I CAN'T LOVE~ and then someone ~heals him or else is just as fucked up, be it travie or brendon or bill, but like... kevin was way more fucked up than gabe ever was. and kevin looks so innocent and childlike, and i can see gabe messing around with him because he thinks he's some other wet-behind-the-ears kid who'll fuck him because he's too unspoiled to know that's gabe's fucking toxic like all the rest, but then, maybe the first time they fuck, maybe the second, whatever, kevin shoots up with gabe right there and gabe suddenly realizes that 1) kevin is older than him. by a lot. even when he was gabe's age he was older than him. he hasn't been as young as gabe in a loooong time, and that scares gabe and 2) he didn't let gabe fuck him because he doesn't know how fucked gabe is; he let gabe fuck him because he's a thousand times more fucked up than gabe is and he's pastthe point of caring about getting better or worse. and gabe is like, oh fuck.
and then they have this thing where they fool around and get high and stay up till all hours (all night, even, never shutting their eyes at all) arguing about whether politics are the only thing that matters or whether the world's already burning and it doesn't matter who's in charge of putting out the fire and nothing matters anymore, not even politics, and eventually they even say "i love you" but that doesn't mean they stop fucking other people or anything, it just means what it means. and gabe cries himself to sleep in kevin's apartment many a time just because he doesn't know what else to do, but kevin never cries, not ever- sometimes gabe feels that kevin doesn't really love him in the same was he loves kevin because kevin won't give him that, won't let gabe see him break down; it takes gabe a while before the thought occurs to him that kevin might just be permenantly broken, might not even have that love to give him.
( this is getting long, so i'll cut it.Collapse )
i hate writing misery!fic, so idk about that last bit. it's so extreme. i think i may just end up writing it so they just fall in horrificly disfunction love and leave it there, but the forced detox thing is so something gabe would do, idk. he's so fucked up. THEY'RE SO FUCKED UP.