| GABE IS A JEW. |
[Jun. 15th, 2008|05:17 pm] |
I WOULDN'T HAVE TO WRITE THIS WHOLE MEGILEH;
Or, Gabe Is A Jew, A Miniprimer.
Part One: The Superficial Evidence.
AKA some pictures that make it obvious if you know how to recognize the symptoms.
First and foremost, there's the Jewfro. His Jewfro was way Jewfroier than Trohman's is, because Trohman's is just big and kind curly. Gabe had some serious volume goin' on back in the day:
YEP. And a close-up:
YEAH WUT.
Anyway. Also, despite being only half Sphardic and being born in Uruguay, Gabe is a fuckin' Moroccan. Now, now offense is meant to any Jewish Moroccan boys who read this, but you all look exactly the same. You all wear the same sneakers, have the same haircut, and wear the same coats and jewelery. Which is to say, you look like this:
OH MR. SAPORTA. YOU CRACK ME UP. lol, anyone in the Jewish community will immediately know what I mean. HUGE FUCKING SPHARDI, RIGHT? I would like to point out that Gabe is to Judaism how Travis is to race- he's a half-breed, so to speak, and a lot of the time people like that are forced to pick a side. Are you Sphardic, or Ashkenaz? I think it's pretty clear what he chose in the end.
Ahaha.
And so, now that we've established that Gabe looks like a Jew, let's take a look at some thing he does (without explicitly stating the words "I am a Jew") to display his identity.
Part Two: Dispute This, Assholes.
First of all, there's the Magen David necklace. I can't find a very clear photo of it (tell me if you've found one, please!) but out of the clearer photos I found, I chose this one because it's 1) kinda famous and easily recognisable and 2) FUCKING HOT.
SEE? SEE THAT? This one, too:
And one of my favorite repeated-wear items that Gabe owns: THE CHAI BELT BUCKLE.
No, not chai, like the tea. "Chai", like the Hebrew word for life, a common Jewish good luck symbol. We wear it on necklaces, earrings, bracelets. It's value according to Jewish numerology is eighteen, which lead to the practice of giving monetary gifts for special occasions such as bar mitzvahs and weddings in denominations of eighteen. You can say you "gave chai" when you give $18 or that you "gave double chai" when you give $36. Common riffs on this include $180 and $360 for more generous gift-givers.
POINT IS.
...nggh. What was this post about, again?
Part Three: Quotes and Other Obvious Actions.
AND HE'S SO FUCKING PLEASED ABOUT IT, TOO. OH, GABORTA, YOU BIG SILLY JEW.
So, uh, yes. As if that last picture didn't clear it up for all you goyim (that means non-Jews, by the way. SERIOUSLY, you guys, oy vey), here's a little family history, as described by AP magazine's Brendan Manley:
Therefore, yes. Yes! Yes. Side note: Awww, illegal immigrant childhood. ♥ HOW SO AWESOME, GABRIEL!?
Anyway, I can't find the quote where he states it, but he's said he went to private school a bunch of times. It was actually a Jewish private school, because it was the only place that would take him free of tuition. He learned to speak Hebrew there, and he hasn't forgotten it, either. YOU, DEAR READERSHIP, MIGHT DREAM ABOUT GABE TALKING DIRTY IN SPANISH, BUT I HAVE MY OWN FATASIES, OKAY!?
SOME BACKGROUND BEFORE THE NEXT VIDEO: Gabe, for anyone that may not know, is a closet genius. More on that here, if you're interested. /shameless self-promotion. He majored in Political Science and Philosophy in University (AND MANAGED A 4.0 GPA). He's also a strict vegetarian. So, basically an all-around Good Jewish Boy, as our bubbies and zaydies would say, and a terrific dude.
He's also a strong supporter of PETA (I know, I know. I know what you're thinking. Me too, whatever). He's worked with them numerous times, but I'm not gonna get into all that now. Maybe I'll do a "Gabe Is A VeggieHead!" miniprimer some other time.
For now, though, I have a video to show you of Gabe waxing philosphical about vegetarianism. Watch or dowload it off PETATV here, or watch a shitty quality YouTube version here:
Point of note is at about 1:50. Transcribed myself, and it's hard to hear, so bear with me. He's prone to, us. Run on sentences. Ugh.When your grandkids ask 'What were you doing during the animal holocaust?" what are you goann be able to say? And that's really true, like, some German kids, who's parents were, like, not sympathizers with the Nazis themselves but just didn't do anything to stop it. And the kids are just completely ashamed and embarrassed that they didn't do anything to stop it, and, like, that was the situation with the Jews because they thought they were a different race that was lower than us and they used them for lampshades and soap and stuff like that. And then we realized that's wrong. And now I think we're at the point, I think, where we're expanding our compassion to include human- to include, yeah, things that are not of our species but still have characteristics that entitle them to rights of life." While I do think that the comparison between Jews and animals is a little bit radical, I see his point. Also, for all you Yiddisher kinder out there with inquiring minds, this puts him firmly in the catagory of "the wicked son", passover-wise. It is the self-exclusion, ("What does this service mean to you?") that makes the wicked son wicked. Gabe is describing the events as if they did not occur to him or even his own people, but to some other people. Go figure.
Judaism comes up a lot in interviews with him, actually. My personal favorite context for bringing up the fact that he's Jewish is the following:OS: If you had to lick condiments off each member of Fall Out Boy's body, what would you choose and why?
Gabe: Different condiments for each person?
OS: Yeah. Joe's has to be kosher, and Andy's has to be vegan, too?
Gabe: Pete, I know. Pete would be spicy brown honey mustard, because he's spicy and sweet [laughs] Patrick, uh?.
Vicky-T: HP sauce.
Gabe: What's HP sauce?
Vicky-T: It's so good! It's an amazing British sauce. Sweet but like, savoury?
Gabe: I think Patrick would be soy sauce, you know. He's very fair, a quiet dude, smooth. It'd be a nice contrast. Slide off really nicely. Joe Trohman would have to be... what's a Jewish condiment? [long pause] I'm Jewish. I should know Jewish condiments?
OS: So should I?
Gabe: Are you Jewish? What's that thing we use at Passover that's like this horseradish sauce? I think it's called...
OS: Yeah, I just call it horseradish sauce.
Gabe: Okay, horseradish sauce. So horseradish sauce for Joe because you use it at Passover. And uh, Andy Hurley? I'd have to use just straight up ketchup because he's like, all-American.
Vicky-T: Yeah. For the record, it's called maror (THANK YOU, ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) pandorathene). But whatever, GABE ILU.
Also, Gabe is a true-blue Jew and peppers his speech with Yiddishisms (See? He's only half Sphardic, guys!) In his epic 25 page response to Elisa's public discussion of her dismissal, He included the following phrase:"...and she has refused to agree on a way of exiting that would have been graceful for both parties. And therefore now I have to type up this whole megillah. Oy vey!" OY VEY, INDEED. HE HAD TO TYPE UP THAT WHOOOOOLE MEGILLAH.
Anyway, now you know that Gabe's a Jew.
Bonus lolz, though! Gabe getting punched in the face by none other than his beautiful friend Tyler Rann, back in Midtown. Gabe accidently cracked Tyler's head open in a Trohman-like bass swing (it's a Jew thing) and this was Tyler's planned revenge. In two parts!
THE END, OY VEY. |
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